I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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