ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
