walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
