im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
