i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
