I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
