capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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