Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
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Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
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I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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