I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
