So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
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I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
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some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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