Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
