Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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