i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
