Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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