what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
