But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
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You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm at about main and main street
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
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We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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