Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
