his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
