He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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