the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
