it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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