I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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