did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
