I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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