I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
