there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
