You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sorry about my life...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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