cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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