he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
