You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
