wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
nutella sex= disaster
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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