Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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