You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
