i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
