You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
