I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Randomize
