Buhtt sex?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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