You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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