this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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