I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
