two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
