Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
