My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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