Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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