Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
