i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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