You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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