Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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