He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
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I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
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I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize