Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Screwed.edu
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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