It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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