I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
is it fun? or sober?
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