totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
