I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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