I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I need a burrito and a hug.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
