We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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