so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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