my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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