I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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