Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
