I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
