I accidentally burped into my bong.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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