nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
