i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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