Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
