To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
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if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
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Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize