Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
