Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
