Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
