The maid of honor just puked.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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