You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
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He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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