his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
