I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
