I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
