this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
When are your genitals available?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
