Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Your penis caused this!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
