I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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