I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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