God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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