I wanna bring you to show and tell
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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