Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
