Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
