So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
