He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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